Yeah? Yeah

In the words of Usher...Wait, sorry, in the word of Usher; Yeah. Now that is a well written song. If song is actually the correct term for it. Personally, I think "steaming pile of worthless crap" is a much better label for things like that. For those of you that don't know the song, I will write out the lyrics for you;

Yeah.

How in depth and thoughtful! He really put a lot of meaning into that one. Now there is a well written song. I am tempted to use the mop-in-arse analogy again, but I think I could go one step down from that and still write a better song, all I would have to do is write more than one word. How the hell does someone get away with that? If I could shoot Usher, I would. That is all.

T.

Video Games

Personally, I am a big fan of video games. But sometimes they go to far. "Mary-Kate and Ashley's Fantastic Shopping Adventure". Who the hell thinks that that is a good idea for a video game? I would rather bathe in boiling oil as a nightly ritual than even look at someone that owns a game like that, let alone the game itself. And then theres 47 thousand types of tetris now. What the hell is that? Why can't people create original ideas anymore? I think that if you shoved a mop up my arse, dipped it it oil, then put me on a trampoline in a moving lift I could come up with a better idea for a game than "Go Shopping With Someone That Doesn't Actually Know You Exist", or "Let's All Become Plastic Spoilt Little Shits And Annoy The Shit Out Of Everyone". So I will leave you with some more dead baby jokes.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Mercades?
I don't have a mercades in my garage.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't have sex with a table.

That is all.

T.

Modern Culture Takes It's Toll

I don't mean to be constantly bitching about girls the whole time, but this is just horrible. Why do girls wear tops 47 sizes too small, and skrits that could pass as a fucking belt? Then on top of this, they get really shitty when you look in their direction. You don't actually even have to be looking at them at all. They just assume that you are checking them out. Then, even though they have the fucking stupidity to think that you are checking them out, they go off at you for being a fucking pervert. What is wrong with you? I don't think you are attractive. You are actually shit. Die. And then to top it all off, while they still have a boyfriend/whatever, they flirt themselves into a drunken stupor. Cockbags. Why do people suck so much? That is all.

T.

Ahhh, The Hilarity Of Photography

Why is photography such a major issue for people. I don't mean to be sexist here, but girls are the worst with photography. Here's why:
School Photos: Why do girls bother putting extra make-up on for the school photos. And so much of it. If you want a photo of you, then actually look like you. Simple concept really. But apparently it's a tad too hard for some to grasp. That doesn't just apply for the school photos, but it apparent much more so in them.
Just Plain Old Regular Photos: Most people suck at having a photo of them taken. There are a few types of photo people;
1. The genuinely photogenic people
2. The I think I'm the hottest shit around, so hot in fact, that I don't need to smile
3. The fake smilers.
4. The people that are actually smiling
5. The people that pretend they don't want their photo taken, but do nothing in the way of trying to stop the person with the camera
Then there is the classic comment (with a not-so-common response, but a very fitting one):
"I look crap in that photo."
"Well that's obviously what you looked like at the time, so maybe you're just like that."
Eat shit. You were stupid enough to make that comment, then you can feel bad for it. Dickweed.
So there you have it. Lets recap with a few quick hints on how to have a photo of you taken:
1. Make sure its actually you in the photo.
2. Don't fuck around, just let them take it.
3. If its a photo of you, don't pay yourself out about it.
4. Most importantly, don't ask them to take a fucking photo if you don't want one taken.
That is all.

T.

Why Does It Exist?

There is nothing more annoying (well, there are plenty of things, but let's just pretend) than sitting down at the computer and going to check you emails and finding forward e-mails. Why on earth do these exist? Careful guys, if you don't send these on within 1.8 seconds, a midget in a bikini is going to come to your house tomorrow night, and rape your dog, feed on your children and cut off 3 of your fingers. But only 3. What kind of crap is that? And why do people forward it on? Do they actually believe that a midget is coming for them? Retards. The only forward type e-mails I want are funny ones. Otherwise I will find out who sent it to me, locate them, rip off their arms, and beat the little fucker to death with them.
So hurry kids, because if u send this shitty, false, pointless e-mail to your friends (only the ones that are missing at least one limb, otherwise the midget will get you) your true love will propose to you in 14 days, 2 hours, 56 minutes and 43.10982 seconds, even though you are only 12 years old. Quick, time is running out. Even though you are still young enough to be afraid of boy/girl germs, and will probably deny the proposal because of this reason, or because you think that it is a joke, you have to do it! Remember, the midget! Well if you ever fall for it, you suck. Not only do you suck, you suck like a vacuum on steroids. That is all.

T.

Small Children

In reality, small children are actually just drunk midgets. Think about it. They eat whatever the fuck they can get their hands on, run around bumping into shit, fall over lots, yell and cry for no reason whatsoever, and abuse people whenever they want and getting away with it. Let me put it another way. Small children shit me. Here's why:
"Mum/Dad, I don't want to eat my vegetables."
"Well child, I'm actually feeding them to you for your benefit, because if you have a balanced diet, you can stay healthier easier, so in reality I am doing you a favour by providing you with these. On top of this, I provide a house for you to live at, and I love you unconditionally and will continue to for the rest of my life."
"You suck. I hate you!"
Then they proceed to storm off into their rooms or wherever it is they go to do complain relentlessly about how shit it is that they have opportunity. fuck them. Stupid kids. That is all.

T.