Unwanted: Dead Or Alive

If anyone reading this has even contemplated paying good money (or even Monopoly money) to see "DOA: Dead Or Alive" stop right now before its to late. Never before have I seen such a pissweak excuse for softcore porn. And I was stupid enough to pay money to see it. I am ashamed.
I guess I chose to see it because I am a fan of the game. However, even the game does not seem to be evident in this movie. Basically, its 4 girls wearing next to nothing trying to beat the shit out of each other whilst the camera focuses on their boobs. And I wish I was exaggerating at all, but sadly I'm not. They were either midgets holding the cameras, or just sick, twisted perverted cameramen, because I think I saw the faces of the girls maybe 4 times the whole movie. It was actually disgusting.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not gay, but fake, plastic girls don't really do it for me. It's like being turned on by a Barbie. And Barbies don't have nipples! So it's a little weird. But hey, apparently, several million men are turned on by the lack of nipples some girls seem to posses.
So I guess what I'm trying to say about the movie is that it lacked nipples...As well as a storyline, something even close to decent acting, or anything good about it at all. So please, for the sake of mankind and your general wellbeing, don't see it. Not even when you don't have to pay. In fact, not even if people offer to pay you. That is all.

T.

"How May I Help You?"

The wonderful world of shop assistants. but before I start I must make clear that someone has told me I swear too much, so I will try to cut back. Anyway, shop assistants. They must be a species of thier own. Because no human can stand for 8 hours and keep a smile on their face. And they seem to have their own language, mostly consisting of the words "Gorge!", "Babes!" and "Is there anything else I can get you?".
But it's the clothes shop assistants that I hate the most. I don't know how anyone can desire to be a shop assistant. To put it bluntly, they suck. And not just a little bit. Anyone that basically jumps onto your back the second you walk into the store, and does not get down until they have sold you everything ever, is really actually quite annoying. And not only do they shovel goods into your arms, they insist that you try everything on. Things you don't want to buy? "Try it on!!". Things that don't even fit? "Try it on!!". Things that you are actually already wearing? "Try it on again!!".
But the ones that take the cake are shoe shop assistants (yes, shoes come under clothes). They have all the normal characteristics of a regular shop assistant, but also come with added stupidity. You walk in with some hope of finding anything that you just may come close to thinking about wanting to buy, and once again they are latched onto your limb. As they harass you to search through every single shelf, and insist that you haven't seen everything they have to offer, when you finally find a shoe that you actually stop to take a second look at, before you know it, they have stolen your shoe and measured your foot. "Size 12? ok I'll go see what we have"
...27 hours later...
"No sorry, but we do have a size 10?". Right, fantastic. Because coincidently, my toes were cut off during the extended waiting period and now a size 10 would fit perfectly. How did you know? That is all.

T.