Max Havoc: Curse of the Shit
Ok for some reason I was up watching TV at 2:00am last night, and I saw a movie called "Max Havoc: Curse of the Dragon". So I thought "this should be good for a laugh", and started watching. However, I was unaware of just how horrible and talentless this movie could be. For the next 90 minutes I sat wondering how such a steaming pile of shit would even be made, let alone televised. It was the most pathetic excuse for a movie I have ever seen. It even (somehow) topped "Dead or Alive".
To start with, it was another sad excuse for soft core porn. Not quite to the extent that DOA was, but still blatantly obvious. And I thought the acting in DOA was bad. This acting was so bad that it got to the point where the main characters accent was changing scene by scene. Shouldn't the producer or director or anyone at all pick that up and point it out?
And then came the inaccuracies. And they came with force. To start with, everyone talked with an American accent and spoke fluent english. Now normally that wouldn't be weird, but the movie was set in Guam, and was about a Japanese gang of samurai called the "Black Dragon". Now it could just be me, but I figure that if you are a Japanese gang, you speak Japanese. I don't know. But to add insult to injury, this Japanese gang of samurai was led by a white American. That just doesn't happen. No Japanese gang would let a white American lead, especially a gang of samurai.
Then there were the fight scenes. Several times in the movie, people would get slashed with a samurai sword across the chest, not only was there no blood (excusable, as I'm almost certain that this movie was given about $40 for production costs), but no-one seemed to die. The only person to die in the movie was a man that was choked. Now, again, correct me if I'm wrong, but being cut across the chest with a samurai sword would kill someone quite easily. Particularly if the one slicing was a trained samurai.
But all of these inaccuracies were topped by the final fight scene. Sure, the fight started perfectly normally, but then the bad guy took out a sword. So in an attempt at retaliation, the good guy wrapped chains aroud his hands. This isn't so bad. But apparently, punching someone with a chain wrapped around your fist does less damage than kicking them in the stomach. No I hear you say? Well, sadly, that was the idea given by this movie.
Then came the worst inaccuracy ever. The main character punched a samurai sword in half. thats right, punched it in half. Now katanas are folded steel. They are bascially designed to withstand anything people can throw at them. They really can not be punched in half by anyone. They can't even be cut in half. But sure enough, one punch and he went straight through it. Wow.
I guess through all of this there is one benefit. And that is that if I ever decide to become a script writer, I know that all I need to do is throw a pile of impossible circumstances and events together, hire the worst possible actors and write a pathetic storyline and I can call it a movie. And by the looks of it, if I can do that it will be made and televised. Thank you Max Havoc for reviving my passionate hatred and frustration towards Hollywood. That is all.
T.
To start with, it was another sad excuse for soft core porn. Not quite to the extent that DOA was, but still blatantly obvious. And I thought the acting in DOA was bad. This acting was so bad that it got to the point where the main characters accent was changing scene by scene. Shouldn't the producer or director or anyone at all pick that up and point it out?
And then came the inaccuracies. And they came with force. To start with, everyone talked with an American accent and spoke fluent english. Now normally that wouldn't be weird, but the movie was set in Guam, and was about a Japanese gang of samurai called the "Black Dragon". Now it could just be me, but I figure that if you are a Japanese gang, you speak Japanese. I don't know. But to add insult to injury, this Japanese gang of samurai was led by a white American. That just doesn't happen. No Japanese gang would let a white American lead, especially a gang of samurai.
Then there were the fight scenes. Several times in the movie, people would get slashed with a samurai sword across the chest, not only was there no blood (excusable, as I'm almost certain that this movie was given about $40 for production costs), but no-one seemed to die. The only person to die in the movie was a man that was choked. Now, again, correct me if I'm wrong, but being cut across the chest with a samurai sword would kill someone quite easily. Particularly if the one slicing was a trained samurai.
But all of these inaccuracies were topped by the final fight scene. Sure, the fight started perfectly normally, but then the bad guy took out a sword. So in an attempt at retaliation, the good guy wrapped chains aroud his hands. This isn't so bad. But apparently, punching someone with a chain wrapped around your fist does less damage than kicking them in the stomach. No I hear you say? Well, sadly, that was the idea given by this movie.
Then came the worst inaccuracy ever. The main character punched a samurai sword in half. thats right, punched it in half. Now katanas are folded steel. They are bascially designed to withstand anything people can throw at them. They really can not be punched in half by anyone. They can't even be cut in half. But sure enough, one punch and he went straight through it. Wow.
I guess through all of this there is one benefit. And that is that if I ever decide to become a script writer, I know that all I need to do is throw a pile of impossible circumstances and events together, hire the worst possible actors and write a pathetic storyline and I can call it a movie. And by the looks of it, if I can do that it will be made and televised. Thank you Max Havoc for reviving my passionate hatred and frustration towards Hollywood. That is all.
T.
posted by Sunshine at 4:22 PM
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